New Vision, New Perspective...and Mixed Emotions

Day after day I have taken one step after another, moving forward through life toward this demand or that goal.  For so many wonderful, fulfilling years, these goals and demands have been deeply rooted in family and parenthood. 

Our children - ages 4, 11, almost 15, and 18 - continue to grow and are in various stages of independence.  This reality comes with twinges of sadness for what is to come as one by one they pull away from the nest (just today, my oldest informed me of his plans to enlist).  But, I also realize that my art has been patiently waiting to slide into any empty spaces as they open up. I will always be a mom no matter how old they get - they have been, and continue to be, my inspiration and idea-generators.  These years of family experiences have given me a wealth of  insight and motivation.  And, really, it's not over yet.  The 4 year old is already proving to be a fountain of potential stories.  And, I have to think ahead.  An illustration career doesn't develop overnight.

As soon as I made the official declaration - that NOW is the time to establish myself as an illustrator - I see all of my past doodles, drawings, paintings, and projects with a more critical eye.  Are they representative of my best work?  Are they up to the level of a professional illustrator?

Delete...delete...delete...redo...redo...redo...

If you have visited my blog before, you'll notice that the look has changed.  It didn't pass the test - time for a more thoughtful upgrade.  I was hard-pressed to find a colorful image to put up top, so my over-stuffed house will have to do for now.  But, I'm still working it out - we'll call it a 'work in progress.'

Why is it so hard to let go?

My son's high school is having a banquet fundraiser next weekend and they're asking for items for their silent auction.  One of the things listed in the packet home was artwork from a local artist.  Well, we don't have much that we can contribute, but that's one thing I could do.  Besides, I have all of these drawings tucked away in my studio, so that would be perfect.

So, tonight I tried to choose one to donate - much harder than I thought.  I've narrowed it down, but I found it surprisingly difficult to entertain the idea of letting them go.  I don't have any prints, they're all originals, and they have been captured on film and posted here at one time or another.  There were even a few that I just said "no way - I'm not giving that one up!"  A lot of those had sentimental connections to my kids in their original inspiration.

But, isn't that what I'm supposed to be doing as an artist?  Shouldn't I be getting my work out there, get it seen?  It would be difficult to achieve anything professionally if I keep my work locked away in a drawer.  On the other hand, I'd hate to think that it could end up locked away in someone else's drawer...or turn up as the next white elephant gift at the office Christmas party.

Well, I guess it's time - for the first time - to take that leap and submit something.  Decisions...decisions...